Daddy/Daughter Dance 2011

Paige seriously dresses better than I do. And, she's better at doing her hair.

Birth Day

Everybody's ready for Miss Lu-Lu.

37 weeks. Last bellypic. Ever.

Before the pain began. See? I'm still smiling.

And, viola! Here she is! (It happened almost that fast actually.)

My amazing doctor and fantastic nurse. I love them.

My mama was there, the silent support (and photographer).

Steve's mom was at the delivery, too!

We have "girls"!

Our first familypic. All of us. Complete.

Fresh from Heaven

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

the Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home;

Heaven lies about us in our infancy...

~William Wordsworth

Welcome Baby Girl!

We feel so blessed.

*Photos by Mommy, Lucy 2 days old

Om...

Sometimes you just need to meditate.

Find your center.

Discover your inner peace.

Breathe.

Make your mom laugh hysterically.

That sort of thing.

36 weeks aka This Weekend's View From My Bed

We have had alot of help for the past 7 weeks from our ward and Steve's family which has been wonderful. My parents are in town now so we are happy campers around here. Papa has been fixing things and wrestling with boys, my mom has been cooking and washing baby girl clothes, and Steve is putting together the bassinet as we speak. Fun, fun!

We did have another visit to the hospital on Friday (I promise, people. I am not this dramatic. My pregnancy, however, is a total drama queen), and were this close to having baby. The nurses were afraid that the bleeding and strong contractions were due to my cerclage tearing my cervix (yikes, I know). My doctor was out of town, and I was super nervous about being under another doc's care with all my crazy history/complications. After some tender mercies, we were sent home, stabilized.

It's been a good weekend besides that. Here are some of the snapshots of my vantage point:

Trev and Pres made me some lovely artwork and then post-ited them on my nightstand. My handsome husband's weekend scruff as he watched this: LDS General Conference. Such inpirational and comforting messages.

Gavin entertains me at the footboard.

Vrooooomm.....

Zooom.....

We are so aware of God's blessings as I lay here, still pregnant and no longer afraid that we will have a preemie baby. She could now come at anytime, so maybe we'll have a baby by next week!

35 weeks aka Wahoooo!!!

I can't believe we've made it this far.

Victory!

This was our first main goal and here we are!

I will see Doc on Tuesday and we will get our next update.

In the meantime, look at these adorable little hair-flowers for our baby girl.

I ordered them on Etsy.com, and I adore these handmade beauties. They look big, but they are actually super teeny. It's the alternative to the "glued" on bows for newborns. Now we'll just have "glued" on flowers.

Paige is kind of appalled.

She thinks it's cruel to put Karo Syrup on a baby's head to stick on a bow.

"But wait 'til you see how cute it is!", I say.

"Well, I hope you never did that to me."

{cue my whistling, twiddling thumbs, and avoiding eye-contact}

Another highlight this week was that Paige brought up the "Baby Girl 0-12 months" bin from the garage and we got to look through all her baby clothes that she wore. It was really funny. I oohed and aahed over the clothes, associating the sweet memories of her wearing these clothes. Paige, however, mostly made funny faces and giggled. And made comments like, "That is so old-fashioned! I can't believe I wore that!" True, when you compare the uber-fashionable baby clothes nowadays that you see everywhere, they are a little outdated. But, there were a few treasures that she was very giddy to dress her sister in. We're both pretty much going to have to draw straws each time we dress her to see whose turn it is!

prayertime

Gavin's turn for prayer last night.

We reminded him, "Remember to pray for all the good stuff."

Dear Henly Fader,

Tank you for dis day.

Tank you all da good stuff.

In the name...

So, that pretty much covers it.

Pie in a Jar! Yes, your own pie in a jar!

I bake. I'm a baker. And, it's not fall, but I always love pie. Or cobbler. Or crumble. Anytime, anyplace. With ice cream, ooh, or real whipped cream on top.

I was looking on Deseret Book.com and they are selling a new cookbook written by two Mormon Moms who love food! It all started with their blog, Our Best Bites. So I checked it out and found some delish recipes. This is one of them: Single Serving Pie in a Jar. What a cute, cute idea. In fact, I cannot handle what a cute idea this is. Very fantastic for a gift for a friend or for yourself when you just feel like it.

Pie! In a jar! Maybe my standard for genius is sub-par, but---Genius!!

33 1/2 weeks and still horizontal, which gets a person thinking...

This post began as a witty diatribe about how frustrating and mundane it is to be on bedrest.
But, then I put on my big girl pants, got some perspective, and remembered that the whole reason for bedrest is to keep growing a healthy, chubby baby. And, well, that is worth it. (And, also, sometimes I feel like she is going to fall out when I stand up. So, there's that.)

(*Let me state the obvious: I realize that bedrest sounds dreamy if you've never had the pleasure. Stay in bed! People make you food! Watch movies! Read all the books you've ever wanted to read! But, when your sole responsibility and joy in life is taking care of your family, and that is now taken over by everybody else, and they actually reprimand you if you try to to lift a finger, you go bonkers. Trust me. Booonnnnkeerrs.)

However, I will say that I've had some time on my hands to think and think and think some more. And lately, I've been thinking about the worst-kept secret of this pregnancy; that is, that once upon a time, our little baby girl had an identical sister in there.

Yes, twins.

It was very early on that our doctor discovered this when doing a routine ultrasound, and as long as I live, I will never forget the sight of two very distinct lima beans with two very distinct heartbeats living side-by-side in my fertile uterus. There were lots of tears (mine and Steve's) and nervous laughter as my doctor searched around in there to make sure there weren't any others hiding. {smile}

My doctor referred us to a perinatologist for a follow-up ultrasound two weeks from that day, and considering my already-high-risk pregnancies, we imagined we might end up being under the care of this other doctor for the remainder of the pregnancy.

So, for two weeks we were reeling. Every day Steve would stop and look at me and say, "Wow." Usually, repeated several times. We were in shock, but at the same time, truly thrilled. What a blessing. What an overwhelming blessing. We quickly began to talk about a bigger car, two cribs, two carseats, two names, two of everything! Oh, and, hey! We are going to have six children now?!

The day of our appointment came and as the ultrasound tech began we clearly saw one of the babies, now much more developed than a lima bean, with a healthy and rapid heartbeat. Then, to our dismay, she quickly discovered that the other baby no longer had a heartbeat.

I still have a hard time finding words for that sensation. We had lost a baby. If she was the only one I was carrying, it would be considered a miscarriage (my third). But, right there in front of me was another baby, with a happy heartbeat, on her way to becoming our fifth child. There was sadness and loss, but hope for the baby that was still there.

The new doctor had no real explanation. Sometimes it's called, "Vanishing Twin Syndrome" which is just a fancy name for, well, doctor's having no real explanation. "We will keep a close eye on the remaining baby since we don't know what caused the other baby's demise." Um, I didn't like that phrase at all--the baby's demise. "We don't know if maybe it was a defect in the placenta or umbilical cord..."

We waited for several weeks to announce to family and friends that we were expecting because we wanted to wait and see how things went. When we disclosed that I was originally carrying twins, there were some comments like, "So, were you kind of relieved?" and "Well, maybe that was a blessing in disguise because twins would have been so hard."

Um.

I guess sometimes people don't know what to say in these situations...

Until recently, we were deciding between two names that we both adored. We couldn't decide and both of us said we'd be happy with either name. Then I told Steve, "Of course we can't decide. We were supposed to be using two names!"

Again, this loss feels a little ambiguous. But, all I can pull from the air is, "Everything happens for a reason.", also known as faith. Faith in what I can't see or explain. Faith in all things good even when I don't understand the things that aren't so good.

Through all of this, believe me when I say, I feel like my spirit is jumping out of my chest when I think of meeting the little girl who is squirming and stretching inside me. After what may be my most challenging pregnancy yet, we feel so privileged to see who fought her way here--to us.

Double Digits

Happy 10th Birthday, Paige!!

Somebody got older at the beginning of March...

Paige is 10 and loves books! She cannot get enough books!!

Preston loves his sis and I just know in this picture he is thinking, "You're 10 now? Where has the time gone?"

She was celebrated by her Activity Days Leader who brought by balloons and gum for the 10-year-old.
Deep breath, sister! That's 10 candles now!


Paige with her best gal, Hadley (who also happens to be 10).
(Daddy did the baking, and these two darlings did the decorating!)

We cannot believe we have a 10-year-old now.
Did I mention that she was 10?
She is.
Suddenly, too.
A decade has passed since she was our first baby.
(Ya know, that one time when we didn't know what we were doing as parents.
Except we still don't know what we're doing.
Haven't we learned anything??!)
We love our girl, Paige.
She is intuitive, gifted, capable, beautiful and funny.
Also, completely into flowers-in-the-hair-clips.
And well, now she's 10.

31 weeks: aka Things That Have Made My Week

Number 1: That I made it to the 31 week mark (and 2 days). 31 weeks is when our Trevor was born, and I'm happy, happy, happy to have bedrest-ed right over that milestone.

{Also, I would like to make two comments about this photo: 1) I was actually dressed and up this day for my weekly doctor's appt. Sadly, my recent wardrobe is restricted to pajama-wear. 2) Now that I have posted this self-pic, I realize I look sort of wanna-be-model-pose-ish-like, but I assure you---I was merely holding on to this chair for support as to not topple over from my recent problem with imbalance...}

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Number 2: Speaking of Trevor, we celebrated his 7th Birthday this week!!!! Everyone brought the party to mommy and daddy's room so mommy could watch the birthday boy open his presents. And that, in and of itself, was a birthday present to me. Lots of, "Thanks, guys!" and "Dad, you got it! You got it!" and "Mom, this is awesome!" He was so appreciative and gracious. Love you tons and tons, Trev. Thank you, Costco, for stepping in with a fabulous cake when I could not bring my usual cake mojo. And, thank you Steve-o for snapping a picture of the day.

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Number 3: Our Relief Society president (women's leader at church), brought me some beautiful flowers from our recent Stake Conference that we missed { since I'm on my rump and we had another sick kiddo...}. These are just a few of the clusters that came from a huge, HUGE floral spray that was on display at the church meeting. We were afraid the flowers would die since they weren't in a vase so Steve and Paige pulled all the beautiful flowers out and made individual bouquets. These are just a few: there's one in our bathroom and one on my nightstand...they make me happy.

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Number 4: Our ward family at church has been so generous with meals that have been brought in to our family. One night, Paige realized that no one happened to sign up to bring dinner in, so she hopped downstairs and got to work. When Steve got home from work, he said, "Did you know Paige made dinner?" A delicious meal of pasta (with her secret seasonings), refried beans with melted cheese, and canned pears. What a service, Ms. Paige. And it was tasty!

Number 5: Tonight I was reviewing our family schedule tomorrow and when Preston realized he has a field trip, his eyes got big with the "By George, I've got it!" look and headed downstairs. Again, when Steve got home from work he informed me that Preston had prepared and packed his entire lunch for his field trip: PB&J, cup of mandarin oranges, bag of fishies and cookies....Preston, you are too cute, buddy.

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Number 6: And, finally, Mr. Gavin has officially named our little baby girl. It's true. And, he's quite adamant about it, actually. We love it and hope it fits her. I guess we'll find out when we meet her! Gav, you have lovely taste.

He rescues me.

Usually, my husband keeps his superhero cape under wraps, attending to his daily heroism without bearing the red and yellow "S" on his chest or the flapping cape (or are they angel wings?). But, I happened to catch a glimpse of it once and grabbed my camera for the sighting.

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Sometimes, when you are in the midst of woes, it feels good to count blessings and make them known. Name them one-by-one. Make a list, even. So, I am doing that.

Blessing Number One: My husband
Superhero Status: Active
Week from You-Know-Where: Affirmative

What follows are things he has done that make him a really nice person to live with--this last week in particular.

~He brings me breakfast on a tray each morning. If it's cereal, he brings the dry cereal in a bowl and the milk in a mini-pitcher so it won't be soggy by the time he brings it to me. If it's oatmeal, he brings a separate bowl of brown sugar and a lot of it because he knows I'm picky about the sweetness of my oatmeal.

~He moved our nightstands around so that I now possess the larger one. This gives me more room for my junk that he set up for me (prenatal vitamins, medication, water jug, kleenex, chapstick, glasses, books, snacks...)

~ In the middle of the night, when he hears me breathing heavily during contractions or from discomfort, he reaches over and rubs my back (or he asks first, because sometimes a woman cannot be touched during a contraction)

~He made 2 trips to Urgent Care and one trip to the pediatrician to attend to our sick children.

~He has disinfected counters, lightswitches, toothbrushes, and towels so to iradicate the germs (Did I mention he also lets me boss him around sometimes too because, frankly, these are the things mommy does when everyone is sick and he might not think to do them.)

~ He opens the blinds in our room in the morning because he doesn't think I'm getting "enough Vitamin D from the sun."

~ He tries to be silly and make me smile.

~ When he's doing the laundry, he asks, "Wait. Do I hang dry this or put it in the dryer?"

~ He set up a "guest chair" next to my bed if anyone wants to visit or for when he comes up and eats dinner with me.

~ He totes the kids to school and friends/family houses during the day so they are taken care of.

~ Blesses me with his priesthood and helps bring me comfort and peace.

~ Loves on me when I cry.

30 weeks - aka the longest week ever

I am typing this from bed on our laptop and feeling a little like Meg Ryan--you know, when she types from her fluffy bed in her cute, shabby chic New York City Brownstone, with her blonde flippy hair and her AOL buddy telling her she's got mail.... minus a few of those details. Pretty much, I'm just sitting in bed with my laptop. Oh, but my bed is fluffy.

Little did I know last Tuesday, that one minute I would be boiling some Toy Story Mac'n'Cheese for my little boys and, the next minute, I would be writhing in pain on my couch, surrounded by five burly EMT's who were ready to escort me to their fine ambulance. See how life can change on a dime?

I was, of course, quite positive that cramping and bleeding were not welcome at 29 weeks gestation. Not welcome, at all. This is why I made four swift phone calls: Steve, his mom, the hospital and then, to my dismay, 911. It all sounds very dramatic--and, well, it was.

So, after a glamorous ambulance ride, too-many-to-count-needle-pokes, and 48 hours in the hospital on the IV Magnesium Sulfate, my kind doctor let me go home. Everything was under control, our little girl looked nice and happy according to the ultrasounds, and I was now to take. it. easy.

Also known as bedrest. I mean, I am in my bed. And the bathroom. That's it. I will be heading downstairs for weekly Dr. appointments and my weekly dose of Vitamin D (The Sun).

(I must add that I did have one more quick visit to the hospital a couple of days later with contractions, but they gave me a shot of magic and upped my medication and things have been much quieter since.)

Unfortunately, sometimes it rains and then it pours some more. Three of our children have been very sick this last week too with a myriad of ills (ear infection, strep, fevers, bronchitis...) and my husband has had to put on his cape and fly around tending to every last need we all have had; not to mention, go to work so he can bring home the bacon. I think that needs to be its own post. Yes, that one is up next.

Overall, we feel so blessed that our little baby is still where she should be. There were many moments last week when I thought we were being prepared to have her. We've done this before, and the reality of that experience felt so fresh last week. (With Trevor. And I think that is another post, too.) I have thanked Heavenly Father each day that I am still pregnant, and I really feel like I will be for awhile longer so that we can welcome a healthy baby.

We are blessed with generous family, friends, and church support that make this temporary lifestyle change doable. But, this will be a test in patience for all of us.

In the meantime, I think I might watch "You've Got Mail".

Love note.

Happy Valentine's Day to the loves of my life.